[Shaman King] Hoshi ga Hoshii desu * chapter 24: in the dark

[lucathia]

Title: Hoshi - ga - Hoshii - desu
Chapter: 24/45

Author: lucathia_rykatu
Email: rykatu@yahoo.com
Series: Shaman King
Rating: PG
Genre: General
Feedback: will be highly appreciated
Spoilers: end of anime
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to its rightful owners (which does not include me!)
Archive: livejournal / fanfiction.net

Summary: "I want the stars" -- An amnesic Hao only remembers that the word "Hoshi" is special to him. Found unconscious in America, Hao takes on the name of Hoshi and eventually returns to Japan. This is his story after the anime.

-----chapter 24: in the dark-----

Darkness.

He trudged along the dimly lit path, heading nowhere in particular. Where did he have to go? He had left his only family behind. He grimly glanced at Hoshisuke. His spirit was all that he had left now. He felt Hoshisuke circle around him, letting his spirit’s gentle presence calm him.

Hoshi’s long hair shadowed his eyes as he focused his attention on his feet. One step in front of the other. One, two. One, two. He forced himself to keep walking, to walk as far away as he could from the place he had come to know as home.

The bag he brought with him was just another heavy weight. He didn’t even bother to carry it anymore. He let it drag along the floor as he trudged along.

After walking among the oppressive Tokyo buildings for what seemed like eternity under the never-ending night sky, Hoshi actually saw a tall tree with a thick, sturdy trunk. He walked under the tree and glanced upwards, through hundreds of branches and leaves. Finally, he climbed up to the lowest branch and began jumping from one branch to the other. When he reached the second to highest branch, he sat down and made himself comfortable.

From his high vantage point here, he could see the dark sky without any obstruction from buildings or telephone poles. It would have been nice if he could have seen the stars clearly, but a patch of clouds had suddenly rolled in and obscured the perfect view.

He frowned. Even Nature was against him!

Hoshi closed his eyes. He was too tired to think for today. He had heard a few things from Manta...but the one he was concerned about now was that Asakura Hao had hated all non-shamans and did not hesitate to kill them. Was that why he had killed Tsuki’s father and brother? Iie...that couldn’t have been the reason, since Sora had told him that the other Hoshi had been a shaman. Then...what could have possibly been the reason?

His thoughts didn’t remain on that topic for very long, for they landed on another topic he was extremely concerned about.

If he had hated non-shamans and went out of his way to kill them...did that mean that if he had met Sora and Tsuki before he lost his memory...that he would have killed them too?

He shuddered at that thought.

Even if he killed all the humans in the world...he wouldn’t touch Sora and Tsuki.

Even if they hated him now.

Hoshi struggled with his thoughts as he slowly drifted into unconsciousness.

-----0-----

He was once again standing on a wide open field. Tiny daisies dotted the field, enough to make any young girl who liked making flower rings happy. He, on the other hand, had little use for flowers that could be better off regarded as weeds.

He didn’t know if people were supposed to be capable of feeling inside a dream. He certainly wasn’t. He felt nothing...nothing more than a steady calmness.

This time he wasn’t hesitant anymore. When he saw the back of the solemn figure with dark, shortly cropped hair, he didn’t ask him who he was. He knew already, since he was the one who had killed him. This time, he didn’t want to know WHO. He wanted to know WHY.

“Why did I kill you?” he whispered.

The figure didn’t turn around. Instead, he began walking away from him.

“Wait!” Hoshi followed the figure.

And followed him.

And followed him.

But despite seeming to have followed him for a long time, he never got any closer. Every time he thought he almost reached the other boy, the other boy turned out to be even farther.

The figure suddenly stopped walking and instead, got into a fighting pose. He stepped back one step while remaining on his toes. He bent a little at the knees and held his arms defensively in front of him with his hands clenched into fists.

Hoshi watched.

He watched as a group of strangers came up to the figure. They threw countless questions at the lone figure. Each time he answered with firm shakes of his head.

Hoshi couldn’t hear what they were saying.

He tried to get closer, but he only caught a glimpse of the group of strangers-a girl with medium-length blonde hair wearing a black dress, another girl with bright orange hair tied up in two places holding a pumpkin, a taller girl with blue hair pulled on one side with clips, a boy with painted marks on his cheeks wearing a long cloak, an extremely short, dark-skinned girl-before they vanished.

And in their place stood himself.

He watched himself step out of the shadows with one hand raised. A tiny flame floated in his hands, illuminating his face as he questioned the figure one more time. Hoshi watched as his lips moved but no sound came out. The figure disagreed, and the other him shook his head sadly as his lips curled into a smile.

Immediately afterwards, a giant, flaming arm crashed into the figure.

-----0-----

None of them knew what to say...they were all quite speechless after Manta’s exclamation. Someone had even choked on their tea. It was...that shocking, after all.

Asakura Hao had amnesia.

Sora’s brain numbly registered the reactions of the other four in the room. Ren’s hand, with his tea cup in it, was frozen in midair. He had been about to drink his tea...but Manta’s words had frozen his action. It was a good thing that he hadn’t started drinking yet...he might have choked. Yoh’s hands were far, far away from his tea cup, so he had no chance of choking. Anna, on the other hand, quickly put down her tea cup as she turned away from the group while covering her mouth. Her tea cup was half empty, a good indicator that she had been drinking her tea.

But, unlike Anna who was utterly quiet with her choking...Horo Horo was utterly coughing.

Sora let these unimportant observations wash over her. She still felt numb...still unable to think. Hao...had amnesia? If that was true...then she had been kept in the dark all this time. But now that she thought about it...the signs had been there. When he had woken up that day, he had stared at them blankly, before suddenly telling them his name. Then, he had been silent for a long time. She had tried to ask him about his family and his past once, but all he was able to say was, “I don’t know.” That should have been an obvious enough hint...but still...

“He...he didn’t even trust us enough to tell me or Tsuki that...”

Manta’s eyes widened. He had hoped that telling her about his amnesia would help her understand Hoshi more, but she didn’t seem to think that way. “I-I don’t think it’s a matter of trust! I think he didn’t tell you because of-” Manta fumbled around for the right word, until he received unexpected help.

“Pride,” mumbled Ren, his voice almost a whisper. He finally set his tea cup down.

“Self-doubt,” added Horo Horo, as he uncomfortably rubbed his nose, glad that his throat wasn’t that itchy anymore.

“The course of events,” offered Yoh with a smile. He wrapped his hands around his tea cup and took a soothing sip.

Manta smiled gratefully in return for his friends’ help before turning his attention back to Sora.

“Yes...mostly likely because of his pride...and self-doubt...and even just the course of events...all those added together...he probably didn’t have the chance to tell you.”

Sora glanced at each of their expressions, all the while shaking her head. Her eyes slid from the silent Anna, to the serious Ren, to the not-so-serious Horo Horo, to the smiling Yoh, and lastly to the hopeful Manta. She kept shaking her head.

“You guys have forgiven him, haven’t you?”

Everyone was silent, unsure of what to say. Had they forgiven him? Was it that easy to forgive and forget?

Silence.

A long, and uncomfortable silence.

Sora almost thought that she wasn’t going to get an answer.

It was Ren who finally answered her question after a bit of self evaluation. He hesitantly began addressing his words to her. “Before...Manta’s words, I was angry at him for still being alive, for coming back to haunt our lives. But after Manta’s words...it was then that I realized,” his golden eyes softened, “that he is in almost the exact same position I was in when I met Yoh. I had been given a second chance...and now, this is his second chance.” Bason was so touched that tears streamed down his face. Such kind and understanding words from his young master!

Sora clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking.

“Second chance? That means you...”

Ren nodded. “I have killed people before.”

Sora averted her gaze. Such young boys...were killers and murderers. The world was a cruel place.

Ren continued anyway. “I cannot forgive him for his past. I have no right to do that. His past is his past and cannot be ignored. Doing that...only demonstrates irresponsibility. Just like...I cannot forgive myself for my past either, but,” Ren’s voice became fiercer, “you have to believe in second chances, or else I wouldn’t be here right now.”

She wanted to...she wanted to trust him...to trust Hoshi, for he was her son...in addition to being her ancestor and her nephew. But, how would she ever stand to face her husband and her son again...if they knew that she had befriended, even adopted, their very murderer?

Anna cleared her throat. Five pairs of eyes landed on her. She paused, her icy appearance still intact...even though she had only been clearing her throat. She had almost choked on her tea and her throat had been itchy. But now that everyone’s attention was on her, she might as well throw in her thoughts on the matter.

“Did you know that Yohmei ojiisan and Mikihisa ojisan attempted to kill Hao...and even Yoh, the moment they were born?”

Sora’s eyes widened as she slowly shook her head.

Anna continued.

“They did, because they weren’t sure which one of the twins was Hao. However, Hao escaped...and lived on his own ever since then.”

Anna let those words sink in before continuing once again, though she had no idea why she was speaking for Hao...she couldn’t even stand him...she might even say that she hated him. This time, her hands itched (not her throat anymore!) to slap that face of his, but she continued nonetheless.

“You and Tsuki are the first family he has ever known. If he has changed from the Hao that we know...you two are the ones who have changed him.”

Sora had been unable to smile all throughout their talk. Tears were the only things she had been capable of. She covered her face with her hands. What was she doing? These young children around her understood their own feelings much better than she did hers! She was Hoshi’s mother now. A mother shouldn’t...not even for a moment...hate her own son. She had only been deceiving herself when she said that she hated him. No matter who Hoshi was before, right now he was Hoshi.

And that was enough for her.

If only he knew that...and would return to her and Tsuki.

-----0-----

Hoshi slowly opened his eyes and was glad to hear birds chirping.

He hadn’t gone deaf. He had felt as if he were deaf in that dream. That wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Gentle sunlight streamed through the sparse branches at the top of the tree. Hoshi greeted his spirit and stretched as well as he could on the branch before descending down the tree.

He didn’t know whether or not his dreams were actual memories, or if they were just figments of his imagination.

He glanced at his bare hands, remembering the dancing flame he had seen there in the dream. He closed his eyes, letting his power surge through his body. Slowly, he managed to coax a tiny flame into existence.

So the dream had to have some credibility to it.

He had seen himself with a group of strangers...well, strangers to the current him. But they had been acquaintances with the former him. Where had they all gone after he lost his memory? Did they even bother to search for him?

Whatever happened...he was now alone.

Hoshi plodded along the now bright path with one intent. He wanted to find out...whether or not humans deserved to live.

And to do that, he would have to stay in the city, among the mobs of humans.

-----to be continued-----

next chapter: people who can see spirits can’t be bad people...then what about those who can’t see spirits? Up next—“Within their city”