The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

[lucathia]

Finished reading~. Like the title suggests, the "heroes" storm a castle in this book. :3

Summary:

Prince Liam, Prince Frederic, Prince Duncan, and Prince Gustav, the charming princes from the fairy tales of Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, and Briar Rose, saved the countryside from an evil witch in The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom. And now, they have to save the day again, by keeping a magical object from falling into the hands of power-mad warlords who would use it for evil.

This second book in the series is a pretty effective sequel that brings the characters back together again. I loved the first book for introducing all the characters. The back stories of the princes are all very amusing (and sometimes farfetched). This second book doesn't forget any of the details, and no one's past is left unturned. Frederic was traumatized by the tiger El Stripo when he was young. That tiger is back. Liam won Briar's hand in marriage because his father hired actors to pretend to be assassins for him to defeat when he was three. Well, we haven't heard the last of those actors who were wrongly imprisoned. I was quite amazed at how the characters were brought together (so many of them!). Even characters like Reese and Mr. Troll are back, and the girls are much more a part of the book this time. All four of them, plus Lila~! The princesses are pretty awesome. ;) I did feel that having so many characters bogged down the story a bit. It was definitely fun, but I missed being able to spend a lot of time with each character. Like... Gustav and Frederic never really spend time with each other, unlike the first book, and that's something I miss! ):

The ending is a cliffhanger. DDD: I was hoping for a more conclusive ending, but what it does is setup for the next book. Which I guess means there will definitely be a third book! And I think a fourth book? :O

Quotes from Part 1! More quotes later. XD;;

Part 1 is Crashing the Wedding~.

The path to hero-hood will be fraught with danger, risk, and adversity. But it will all be worth it in the end when someone writes a factually incorrect song about you. (p. 9)

After the last book, Duncan started writing a Hero's Guide. This is an excerpt from it. These are included at the beginnings of each chapter. :3 (Duncan, are you really sure it will be worth it?) XD Those songs are awfully inaccurate.

“I’m aware of that,” Frederic wheezed. The pale, slender prince ducked into a corner, squatted behind a large ceramic flowerpot, and poked the tip of his sword out from behind a lush, green philodendron.

“Aha!” he shouted, peeking between the feathery leaves. “I win.” Prince Liam stopped right before the big ornamental planter, lowered his sword, and shook his head. His long, burgundy cape fluttered down behind him. “Frederic,” he said. “You know that if this were a real fight, I could easily cut through that shrub and get to you. It’s a bush, not an iron shield.”

“I think the philodendron might technically be a tree, but I concede your point,” Frederic said, standing, hiking up the waistband of his gold-trimmed slacks, and straightening out the collar of his baby-blue velvet jacket (his “workout suit”). “However, this is not a real fight. And in this particular situation, the philodendron is a perfectly safe place to hide. So I’d say I outwitted you.” (p. 10)

Ahhhh, Liam is staying with Frederic and Ella! And teaching them swordplay! Frederic is not having an easy time at it. Hiding behind flower pots... I mean, philodendrons. XD;; Frederic~ ♥

As Ella’s energy began to flag, Liam decided it was time for a little showboating. He performed an agile spinning maneuver, his cape flowing out behind him. Ella grabbed his cape as it fluttered past her and yanked him off balance. He fell to his knees, and Ella, grinning, touched the tip of her sword to his chest.

“Looks like I finally beat you,” she said.

“No fair,” Frederic interjected. “Didn’t we just establish that he’s not Prince Liam right now? He’s playing a bad guy. You can’t use his cape against him.”

“A villain can wear a cape,” Ella said.

“Of course,” Liam added. “Plenty of them do.”

“Who? Nobody we’ve ever faced,” Frederic said. “Are you also going to tell me that villains regularly compliment you the entire time they’re trying to kill you? And that they show off with fancy pirouettes in the middle of battle? You cannot honestly say you were taking that fight seriously just now, Liam. I don’t think you’re judging me and Ella equally.” (p. 14)

Gooo Ella! Grabbing someone's cape during a fight to trip them up? I approve. Hahahaha, aaaand they're already arguing about capes. 8D I'm just really adoring Liam staying with these two. I'm sure Liam didn't see that coming, getting beaten by Ella. He might have been a tad too infatuated.

“What on earth is going on here?” King Wilberforce barked as he strode down the hallway. The sound of that deep baritone voice completely broke Frederic’s concentration.

“Father,” he blurted, and turned his head at just the wrong moment. The tip of Liam’s blade sliced across Frederic’s cheek. Frederic yelped, dropped his weapon, and brought his hand up to cover the wound.

“I’m so sorry!” Liam gasped. (p. 18)

kasdjf;asdjfa Frederic's face getting damaged? Yeaaaah, Liam, you're in trouble. ^^;;

“I understand,” Liam said. “You two are still engaged. Just like me and Briar.”

“Oh, come now,” Ella said, narrowing her eyes at him. “It’s nothing like you and Briar. I love Frederic. He’s a dear friend and a wonderful human being.”

“I know that,” Liam said quickly. “I love the guy, too. Which is why hurting him is the last thing I want to do.” Liam turned away from her and stared off at the stars that were beginning to dot the indigo sky. “My mind’s made up. I’m leaving in the morning.” (p. 23)

Annnnd the relationships come into play. Liam definitely likes Ella, but I'm not so sure she returns his feelings. And I'm not sure what Frederic feels either, but I do feel bad for him because he feels insecure, thinking he can't keep up with Ella! But this part where Liam says that he loves the guy too. ♥ I just love how these guys would all support each other when it really comes down to it.

“No, your mother was the only thrill seeker in the family. The king hated it. But even his objections couldn’t keep Queen Anabeth reined in. Shortly after you were born, she heard a legend about a solid gold duckling that was supposedly hidden away in an ancient ruined temple on the wastes of Dar. She wanted that priceless idol for you.”

“I do like ducklings,” Frederic said in a bittersweet tone.

“She took a small team of soldiers with her, trekked off to Dar, and never came back.”

“Never came back? Does that mean it’s possible she’s still alive?” Frederic asked hopefully. (p. 27)

Dar comes into play later. (I liked that connection!) I do wonder if Queen Anabeth might possibly still be alive. Maybe something that'll get explored in the 3rd book? *____* Gold duckling, haha... So the queen was a thrill seeker who went missing (presumed dead) on an adventure. No wonder the king got so protective!

“Shut the door and come here,” Frederic said in a giddy whisper. He was standing by the corner of his bed, vibrating.

“What is it?” she asked, curious as to what had Frederic in such a state.

“My mother died trying to steal me a golden ducky!”

“Oh, my. That’s . .  . I’m sorry, I don’t actually know how to respond to that.” (p. 29)

Hahahaha, that... doesn't sound very impressive, Frederic. No wonder Ella doesn't know how to respond!

Maybe Gustav could use a roommate, Liam thought as he stood on the balcony gazing at the dim sliver of moon in the sky. Nah, who am I kidding? He’d cut up all my capes while I slept. (p. 29)

Pfffft, omg, I love capes. And I love that Liam considered rooming up with Gustav.

Ella considered trying to overtake the men. But she knew it would only cause more trouble. She reluctantly sheathed her sword as the guards nudged her and Frederic down the hall.

“He wore a cape,” Ella said as they walked.

“Who?” Frederic asked.

“The kidnapper. He was a villain with a cape. See? I was right.”

“Actually, it had a hood,” Frederic said. “So technically, it was a cowl.” (pp. 32-33)

XDDDD;;; This running joke, hahahaha! Welp, Liam gets kidnapped, so of course they have to argue about what the villain was wearing. Frederic was just saying that villains they've come across haven't worn capes, but then this one did! But wait, no... it's not a cape. It's technically a cowl, pffft.

Ella frowned when she noticed how Frederic was dressed: a pale yellow suit with a royal-blue sash across the chest and tasseled shoulder pads.

“You changed into formal wear?” she asked. “When you thought you would be locked in your room all night?”

“It helps me relax.”

“Suit yourself,” Ella said.

“I just did.” Frederic laughed.

“Did what?”

“Suit mys— Never mind.” (pp. 34-35)

Awwww, I bet Frederic was waiting in his room, wanting to rush out to save Liam the moment he could do that! And awwww, Ella didn't get the pun. Frederic truly loves word puns, doesn't he? ♥

“You know,” Frederic hedged. “Like I said before, I’m not really a sword person.”

“Take your sword,” Ella repeated.

He attached the sword to his belt along with a pouch of coins and a small satchel of writing implements, then he climbed through the window to join Ella on the ledge. He wobbled a bit when he got a view of the lantern-lit walkways three stories below. “I’m not really a heights man either.”

Ella put her hand under his chin and raised his head to look him in the eyes. “You’re my hero, Frederic. You can do this.”

“Of course I can,” Frederic said. “I’ve got narrow feet.”

As the two shimmied along the ledge, it occurred to Frederic that he was finally doing what Ella had always wanted him to: going on an adventure with her. (pp. 35-36)

Awwww. I just loved it when Ella told him he's her hero. I mean, Frederic is really scared of things like this, but he still tries. And even though Ella and Frederic are really different from each other, I find that they've really opened each other's world a lot. I'm rooting for them. :3;;

Frederic is definitely not a swords person. I seem to like people who are not good with the sword. XD;;;

Mere words cannot defeat a true hero. Unless they happen to be the words to some sort of Instant Death spell. Magic is scary. (p. 38)

More quotes from Duncan's book. Duuuuuncan! XD;;

“Starf it all,” Gustav cursed under his breath. If he couldn’t get people to like him, maybe he could at least get them to hate him. Anything was better than being laughed at.

Gustav abruptly reached out, grabbed Lyrical Leif’s floppy hat by the brim, and yanked it down to the bard’s shoulders. The cap split down the middle as Leif’s head burst through the shimmery fabric. Gustav then grabbed the bard by the seat of his tights and hoisted him up in the air with one hand. With the other hand, he reached down and scooped up a handful of richly frosted birthday cake— which he proceeded to smoosh all over Leif’s shocked face before dropping the singer on his ample belly. (p. 43)

kla;dfj;asa Ahhhh, this reasoning! Oh, hotheaded characters... *shakes head* But I do love their reasoning. It makes so much sense to themselves. :3;; *pats Gustav* Though uh, he's probably a biiiit too tall for me to do that.

It had been a long time since Gustav had been among the trolls and he’d been bald the last time they saw him, so most of the creatures didn’t recognize the long-haired human standing before them. One did, though: the single-horned troll who went by the name of Mr. Troll (all other trolls simply went by Troll— a practice that made taking attendance in troll schools either very difficult or very easy, depending on whom you ask).

“Prince Angry Man!” Mr. Troll shouted, gleefully calling Gustav by his “troll name.” “Troll so glad Angry Man come back!” The monster threw its furry green arms around Gustav and, much to the prince’s displeasure, lifted him off the ground in a bear hug.

“Enough, enough,” Gustav grunted, and Mr. Troll put him down. The other trolls, realizing this was their beloved Prince Angry Man, joined in with celebratory hoots and howls. Gustav couldn’t help smiling. Sure, the trolls were monsters, but they were happy to see him. And that felt pretty good. (p. 45)

Okay, Gustav, you are just soaring higher and higher on my favorite characters list now. kaldjfa;sd (Haha, Mr. Troll is back!) Gustav making friends with the trolls is an oddly endearing sight.

“Yeah, that’s okay,” Gustav said. “You guys give the place a name yet?”

“Yes,” said Mr. Troll. “Trolls call place Troll Place.” “I should’ve guessed that,” Gustav said. “So, um, I’m here as an ambassador.” (p. 46)

Best name.

“Sorry, sir, Your Highness, sir,” the messenger said. “But I have strict instructions to deliver this message only to Prince Gustav. I went to Castle Sturmhagen, but Prince Gustav wasn’t there. They told me that if I wanted to find Prince Gustav, I had to come here. So are you Prince Gustav?”

“Gimme the note,” Gustav said.

The messenger shook his head.

Gustav huffed. “Yes, I’m Gustav. Now give me the note, Captain Specific.”

The messenger hurried over to Gustav and handed him the letter. “Here you are, sir, Your Highness, sir,” he said. “I sense you were probably being sarcastic when you referred to me as a captain, but just to be clear, I am not one. I’m merely a messenger. My name is Smimf.” (pp. 50-51)

Gustav's nicknames strike again. XDDD;;; Smimf is a new character! He's super fast! And a stickler for delivering messages to the right person. XD;

In fact, until the previous year, there had really been no one other than Snow White whom Duncan could call a friend. But joining the League of Princes changed that. Frederic, Liam, and even Gustav (to an extent) seemed to genuinely care for Duncan. He’d gone from one friend to several in a very short period of time. It was an undeniably positive step for his social life, but it also gave him a false sense of popularity. He believed he was a superstar. And since he never traveled very far outside his own yard, he never ran into any of the Sylvarian citizens who told jokes about him and referred to him as “Prince Dumb-can.” (p. 56)

jka;sdjf;sadf DUNCAN. You keep on believing in yourself. :3

“Hello, Dad,” Duncan said as his father wrapped him in a tight embrace.

“Son,” King King said happily. “You’ve grown. Or perhaps I’ve shrunk.” (p. 61)

Okay, I see where Duncan gets it from. XD;;;

“Fantastic,” Snow said, because that was the best thing she could think to say at the moment. “Would anyone like some tea?”

“Tea!” the king shouted as he finally released Duncan from the hug.

“Tea!” the queen echoed.

“S!” yelled Mavis.

“Q!” yelled Marvella.

“Okay,” said Snow.

“P, X!” added Marvella, who assumed that the game had now changed to calling out two letters at a time.

“D, A!” said Mavis.

“B, K!” said the king.

Duncan leaned over to Snow and whispered, “This could go on for a while.”

“Ooh, the dwarfs are here,” Queen Apricotta noted with delight.

“They’re fun.”

“Dwarves,” Frank corrected.

King King crouched down in front of Frak. “Show me how you fellows do birdcalls. You do such wonderful birdcalls.”

“He’s squatting,” Frak complained to no one in particular. (p. 62)

jKJADF;ASJDF;AS; THIS WHOLE FAMILY. AAaaaaand the dwarfs vs dwarves thread is back in all its glory. Aaaaaand King King is treating the dwarfs like kids, squatting to talk to them, ahahaha. I don't think the dwarfs are very happy about that.

“I don’t understand any of this,” Liam said. “You obviously hate me. Why would you want to be tied to me for the rest of your life?”

“Haven’t we been through this before, Lover Boy?” she said. “It’s destiny. You were promised to me when we were both eensy-weensy babies. And when something is promised to me, I make sure I get it.” (p. 70)

Briar is baaaack. And she's as nasty has ever.

Ruffian the Blue, the most notorious bounty hunter alive, stood stoically between two bronze statues of dancing goddesses. “I’m not paid to ooh,” he said. “Or to aah.”

Briar scowled at him. “But I pay you to do a lot of other things, Grizzle Face,” she sneered. “And if you’d like to receive the gold you’re due for those tasks, I’d better start hearing some adoration.”

Ruffian took a deep breath. “Ooh,” he said flatly. “Aah.”

“You’re not impressing anyone, Briar,” Liam said.

“I beg to differ,” she said. She looked to her guards: “Men?”

“We’re impressed!” they all shouted in unison.

Liam shook his head. “I pity you, Briar. I can’t imagine how hollow I would feel if I knew that none of the praise or admiration I got was genuine.” (pp. 72-73)

I can't imagine Briar's life not feeling hollow from the fake praise and adoration. (And you go Ruffian!) And then Liam... the irony of that statement of his... Hasn't he gone through this before? He'd always thought his people adored him because he's a hero, but it turned out that they just liked his money...

It made sense, Liam thought. Briar never stopped wanting. And when you already own a kingdom, what is there left to yearn for but more kingdoms? The only question was how she planned to do it. What was the key to her scheme?

He turned the page and saw: “The key is JJDG!”

Well, that sort of helps, Liam thought. But what the heck does JJDG mean? (p. 77)

Here we have the puzzle that they take most of the book to figure out. XD;;

Liam went quietly this time, and moments later he was thrown into cell 842 on Dungeon Level B, a tiny stone room containing nothing more than a pile of hay on the floor and a few lovely landscape paintings on the walls (this was still Avondell, after all). The guards emptied a bag of live, skittering rats into the cell with Liam and then slammed the iron-bar door shut with a loud clang. A second later, the rats all scampered back out between the bars and ran off down the hall. The guards shrugged and walked away.

“That happens every time,” came a rickety voice from the cell across the corridor. A scrawny older man with a wild, knee-length beard waved to Liam from behind iron bars of his own. (p. 78)

Pffft, yeah, it makes sense that the rats won't do as they're told. Why stay?

Wow, these men must have been jailed here since long before Briar Rose’s reign of terror, Liam thought.

“What are you two in for?” he asked.

“Attempted assassination,” the first man said. “We’re innocent, of course— but I got tired of saying that after about the eighth or ninth year.”

“Ooh! And now we get to guess why you’re locked up!” the second man hooted, hopping up and down on his calloused feet. “We don’t get to play this game very often; it’s exciting. Okay, lemme see. . .  . You’re wearing a cape, so . .  . I’ve got it! You’re a cape thief! They don’t tolerate stealing another man’s cape around these parts.” (p. 80)

The cape strikes again! XDDDD But the poor guys. ):

Liam took a step closer, peering through his cell door at the other men. “I am Prince Liam of Erinthia. Who are you?”

The prisoners gripped the bars of their cell and howled with glee.

“Well, I’ll be dipped in griffin dung!” the man named Knoblock cried. “Finally!”

“You’ve got to get us out of here,” the other said with desperation.

“Well, if you really are innocent men, I’ll do what I can,” Liam began. “But I’d need proof that you’re not actually assassins before I—”

“Of course we’re not really assassins!” Knoblock hollered. “You were practically a baby! Your father hired us!” (p. 81)

JKL;ASDJFKLA;SDJFA; omg omg, they're the actors that Liam's father hired waaaay back, ahhhhhhhh. I never thought we'd actually meet them? Or that Liam's past would get dragged out like this? That this wouldn't be shoved under the rug and forgotten? kljadf;lasjdkla; Their names are Aldo Cremis and Varick Knoblock. *notes down*

Liam’s mouth hung open as he shook his head silently.

“We also assumed he would have told you about our little charade at some point,” Cremins said. “To be honest, I feel kinda bad for you right now. You look like a kid who just had his pet goldfish served to him for dinner.”

“I’ve based my entire life around that moment,” Liam said, his voice hushed and his words slow. “My first act of heroism was really an act of deception. It’s all a lie.” (p. 83)

Liam finds out the truth, and boy does it deal him a super heavy blow.

But Liam didn’t hear him. “Briar Rose is going to take over the world. I’m the only one who knows about it. The people need a hero. But all they’ve got is . .  . me.” (p. 84)

His confidence is already gone. akjdfl;asdja;

A second later, a dappled horse galloped out of the trees, with Duncan at the reins. “Oh, dear!” Duncan cried when he saw Frederic and Ella bent over the fallen messenger. “That boy ran so fast he melted, didn’t he?”

“I’m fine, sir, Your Highness, sir,” Smimf said as Ella pulled him back to his feet. (p. 86)

Duncan is just so cute. XD;; People don't melt, silly.

“Weddings always make me cry,” Duncan said.

“Duncan, we’re not here to see the wedding,” Frederic said. “We’re here to stop it.”

Duncan shrugged. “I still might cry.”

“Oh, by the way, sir, Your Highness, sir,” Smimf said. “Prince Gustav told me to tell you that he would be here as well.”

“Timely news delivery, Short-Pants,” Gustav said as he rode up on his warhorse. The brawny prince’s armor clattered as he jumped to the ground. “So when do we get to fight?”

Duncan rushed in for a hug, but Gustav sidestepped, allowing his friend to face-plant into a nearby tree. Feeling slightly bad about this, Gustav treated Duncan to a pat on the head. Duncan was satisfied. (p. 87)

Awwwwww. Ducan, going for the hug. XD;; And then Gustav patting him on the head. XD;;

“Oh, it’ll be a great diversion, actually,” Lila said. “Briar’s got some acrobats from the Flimsham Brothers Circus warming up the crowd for her.”

“Flimsham?” Frederic gulped. He took a staggering step backward and gripped a nearby tree trunk for support. “I can’t go out there.”

“Why not?” Ella asked.

“El Stripo,” Frederic said.

Ella, Gustav, and Duncan responded with a collective “Ahhh.” They’d all heard the story of how King Wilberforce used El Stripo— the Flimsham Brothers’ talented circus tiger— to terrify Frederic when he was a little boy. The experience of being engulfed by the mouth of a raging tiger (even a toothless one) had scarred him for life. (p. 90)

akldjfa;djf;a EL STRIPO IS BACK.

As soon as they were on the palace grounds, huddled together on a cobblestone path, Gustav closed the gate behind them. There was a loud clink as its bolt-lock fell back into place.

Lila frowned. “I hope that wasn’t your escape route,” she said.

Awkward pause. (p. 91)

XDDD;;;; This is going to go soooo well. As usual, Lila is very sensible. :)

“Come on, we need to hurry,” Ella said brusquely. She drew her sword and headed for the topiary bushes.

“Wait, who put you in charge?” Gustav asked.

“The bards did,” Ella said. (p. 93)

They so did, hahaha!

“And if anybody gets in our way?” Frederic asked.

“We knock them down,” Ella answered.

Gustav grinned. “I think I like you, Boss Lady.” (p. 93)

The way to win Gustav over. XDDD

The red carpet ended at a raised altar, on which stood Liam, dressed in an exquisite royal-blue tunic and shimmering white cape trimmed with gold filigree. But his attire was the only elegant thing about him. His shoulders were slumped, his head drooped nearly to his chest, and his normally stylish hair hung limply over his face. His left leg was chained to the decoratively carved oak pulpit that rose up from the center of the altar.

“I love the cape,” Duncan said. “But the rest of him looks terrible.”

“He looks even more mopey than when we first met him,” Gustav added. (p. 95)

Cape cape cape!!!!

As Briar slowly made her way toward the altar, waving and blowing kisses to the audience, she allowed herself a moment to glare triumphantly at Liam. “I told you so,” she mouthed silently at him, and she smiled as she saw him slump halfway to the floor. But when Briar was about two-thirds of the way down the aisle, Duncan burst out from under the chair of a monocle-wearing baron, pointing and shouting, “Jenny von Hornhorse!” (p. 97)

Hahaha, this is the first time the monocle-wearing baron is mentioned. He's never named, but I love that he keeps getting mentioned throughout the book!

“Whoa!” Duncan yelled. The unicorn skidded to a halt, narrowly avoiding Liam, but the force of the stop catapulted Duncan up in the air. He slammed into Ella just as she was about to finish off the guard she’d been dueling.

Out in the crowd, the monocle-wearing baron turned to his wife and whispered, “This is a very good wedding." (p. 102)

Like so. XD;;

“I’m a madwoman, right?” Briar whispered. “What do you think I might do to your friends if you say no? Let your imagination run wild.”

Liam eyed her with contempt. He took a deep breath. “I do,” he said.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the Archcleric said cheerfully.

Ella felt as if her heart had fallen out of her chest. (p. 104)

DDDDD: Welp, Liam's friends has just made it so that Liam can't say no. ):

“The treasure room is down this hallway,” Liam said as he walked past her. This is my life now, he thought. I’ve gone from Everybody’s Hero to Crazy Lady’s Puppet, just like that. But I deserve it. I’m a fraud. (p. 111)

Oh Liam....