The Hero's Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

[lucathia]

I read this book yesterday. :3 I laughed in so many places. Awesome humor. Memorable characters. Very quirky (especially because of the omniscient narrator). This is the author's first book, and it seems that a sequel is slated for next year~.

Summary:

Prince Liam. Prince Frederic. Prince Duncan. Prince Gustav. You've never heard of them, have you? These are the princes who saved Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel, respectively, and yet, thanks to those lousy bards who wrote the tales, you likely know them only as Prince Charming. But all of this is about to change. Rejected by their princesses and cast out of their castles, Liam, Frederic, Duncan, and Gustav stumble upon an evil plot that could endanger each of their kingdoms. Now it's up to them to triumph over their various shortcomings, take on trolls, bandits, dragons, witches, and other assorted terrors, and become the heroes no one ever thought they could be.

A great read especially for people who like to see fairy tales deconstructed. :) The princes get to do things, and the princesses save themselves.

Quotes!

Right off the bat:

Prince Charming is afraid of old laies. Didn't know that, did you?

Don't worry. There's a lot you don't know about Prince Charming: Prince Charming has no idea how to use a sword; Prince Charming has no patience for dwarfs; Prince Charming has an irrational hatred of capes.

Some of you may not even realize that there's more than one Prince Charming. And that none of them are actually named Charming. No one is. Charming isn't a name; its an adjective.

Rereading, I realize the second paragraph refers to each of the four princes. :DDD The one who doesn't know how to use a sword is Frederic. I adored him. <333 (Not being able to use a sword immediately made me think of Grisia, though Frederic mostly reminds me of Silvester from Female Warrior XDD) Frederic... pays more attention to grooming and getting his beauty sleep than anything else, but this all resulted from getting scared by a tiger when he was young and being convinced that he's not meant for that kind of lifestyle.

"I know you're scared, Frederic. But here's my advice: Get over it. Ella wants someone as adventurous as she is. A real hero."

"Then I've got no hope." Frederic sulked. "I'm a fantastic dresser. My penmanship is top-notch. I'm really good at being a prince, but I'm pretty lousy at being a hero."

Reginald looked him in the eye. "There's a bit of courage in you somewhere. Find it. Go catch up with Ella, wherever she is. And just see what happens. She might be impressed enough that you've left the palace."

Pffft, so being a prince is all about dressing fabulously and having good penmanship? XD; This part pretty much sums up Frederic. And yeaaah, even merely leaving the palace would be something big enough to shock Ella when it comes to Frederic! Such a sheltered prince.

Gustav honestly wasn't sure why he'd chosen to confide in this ridiculous stranger. Maybe he figured that if there was anyone in the world who could possibly understand him, it would be another of the poor fools cursed to be Prince Charming. But could this guy really even be a prince? He looked like a deranged doorman. My brothers would eat this guy for lunch, Gustav thought. But then again, if my brothers would hate him, maybe he's not so bad.

Gustav's first impressions of Frederic. :D Budding friendship right there, hahaha. Gustav is amusing. The brash character who acts before he thinks.

"Sturmhagen is no place for amateur adventurers," he went on. "There are monsters at every turn."

"Tigers?" Frederic asked in a barely audible whisper.

"Sure, why not? We've got everything else," Gustav answered. "You know, I saved that farm family from a troll right before you showed up."

Ahhh, Frederic. So traumatized over tigers.

Over the years, Frederic had met his fair share of other princes. None of them were anything like this prince of Sturmhagen. Gustav was so gruff. He had no patience, no manners, and ridiculously poor communication skills. Frederic could only presume the man’s flamenco dancing was just as awkward. He wasn’t at all surprised that Gustav hadn’t been able to hold on to his relationship with Rapunzel. But considering his own fiancée had run off, who was he to judge?

Frederic's first opinions of Gustav. :3 (Frederic's priorities, hahaha. Dancing!) And then Frederic goes on about piecing together handkerchiefs so he won't need to sleep on the floor since Gustav always wants to camp outside...

"Listen," said Liam. "Briar and I just aren't right for each other."

"But you love her!" the king shouted, his thick mustache fluttering as he spoke.

"No, I don't," Liam said plainly.

"You kissed her and broke the spell," the queen insisted. "True love's kiss!"

"I don't think that's how it worked," Liam said with a sigh. "I think anybody's kiss would have woken her. Besides, how could I love somebody I'd never met before?"

The silliness of true love's kisses. =P

Briar wasn’t stupid; she knew the man wasn’t an elephant. But the notion that she could make people do such humiliating things was far more entertaining to her than riding a real elephant would have been.

THIS says a lot about Briar, eeep.

They’re also quite persnickety. It doesn’t take much to get them riled up. For example, they insist on the spelling “dwarves” instead of “dwarfs.” If “wolf” becomes “wolves” and “half” becomes “halves,” they argue, why doesn’t “dwarf” become “dwarves”? The Sylvarian dwarfs once started a war with the Avondellian elves simply because the elves were bragging about the fact that they got to pluralize with a V.

This amuses me so much.

Still half-asleep, he squinted through his drowsy haze at two figures standing before him. One was wearing an ornate but ragged white suit that made him look like the leader of a zombie marching band. The second was twice the size of the first and appeared to be half Viking, half bear.

Liam's first impressions of Gustav and Frederic. 8D

“I’m not exactly looking forward to going back there,” Frederic said. He motioned toward the pleasant scenery that surrounded them. “This, on the other hand, is the kind of forest I could get used to.”

“You don’t like Sturmhagen because a fancy-man like you can’t handle a little action now and then,” Gustav said.

“No argument there,” Frederic agreed. “But honestly, wouldn’t you rather live someplace where you could have a picnic without worrying that a troll is going to steal your petits fours?”

“You’re joking, right?” Gustav replied.

“Look around, Gustav,” Frederic continued. “Wouldn’t you prefer these fuzzy little squirrels to ogres and goblins? I mean, I’m terrified of the very idea of ogres. The squirrels only make me mildly nervous.”

Gustav shook his head. “Stop talking.”

Frederic is really quite something. XDD;; I absolutely adore how appalled Gustav is about what Frederic thinks here (while Frederic just goes on and on and on and makes things worse) The squirrels only make him mildly nervous, hahaha. XD (But then it turns out he wanted him to stop because there was someone in the bushes, haha)

The other thing you need to understand about Duncan— and you might have already guessed this— is that he was odd. All the princes had their issues— Frederic was easily intimidated, Liam’s ego could stand to be reined in a bit, and Gustav could use some impulse control— but Duncan was flat-out strange.

Duncan's first appearance. :3 And tidbits about each of the princes.

“Look, Duncan,” Snow said, taking a deep breath. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but the main reason I liked the dwarfs was because they barely talk to anyone.”

“Okay, I get it,” he said nervously. “No talking for a while. I can handle that. I’ll just get my flute.”

“No,” Snow said. “Go do something else. Without me.”

“Without you?”

“Yes. You can do things without me, you know. Go take a walk somewhere. Find some other princes to play with. Believe me, it’ll do you good.”

And it does him so much good. :3

Pretending to be carefree and not at all anxious, he blew Snow a kiss and strolled out of the garden, whistling. Within twenty minutes he was hopelessly lost. Two days later, after countless miles of wandering through the woods and eating nothing but berries (but not the polka-dot ones), he happened upon Frederic, Liam, and Gustav. My magical luck brought these men to me, he thought happily. Just when I was at my lowest, loneliest moment: three new friends.

Oh you super optimistic person. ♥

“Ha! No,” Duncan burst out. “This is the most fabulous thing ever! Here we are, the four Princes Charming. All together in one place.”

“Prince Charmings,” said Gustav.

“No, Princes Charming,” Duncan cheerfully corrected. “‘ Prince’ is the noun; that’s what gets pluralized. ‘Charming’ is an adjective; you can’t add an S to it like that.”

“It sounds stupid,” Gustav said.

Hah, I love that they argued over this. I like the sound of Prince Charmings better.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Gustav moaned. “Another one with a cape? And an itty-bitty cape at that!”

“I think it’s rather snazzy,” said Frederic.

“Why, thank you,” said Duncan. “I wanted something that I could swish over my shoulder for dramatic entrances— and yet not get caught in doors.”

“All right, fine,” said Liam. “We can always use another sword. Are you any good with a blade?”

“Ha!” laughed Duncan.

Liam furrowed his brow. “Is that ‘Ha,’ as in, ‘How silly of you to ask; everyone knows I’m the best swordsman in the land’?” he asked hopefully.

“No, that was ‘Ha,’ as in, ‘I’ve never even held a sword,’” Duncan answered. “But I will provide all the flute music we need. Leroy!”

Cryiiing in laughter. Itty bitty cape, ahahaha. For swishing over shoulders dramatically yet not get caught. XD;; Frederic seems like he'd hit it off with Duncan. They're both quite eccentric. kaldja;d Duncan's response to Liam's question. Ha! Oh Duncan...

“Well, I for one am happy to have you along, Duncan,” Frederic chimed in. “I liked that trick with the robin.”

“Pah! He’s not magic, you know,” Gustav said to Frederic. “All he did was give some bird a new little stick for its nest. So what? Even you are a better prince than he is.”

Frederic’s eyes widened. “Gustav, was that a compliment?”

“At least you don’t wear a cape.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh Gustav and Frederic are adorable together. Sounds like Frederic miiiight be growing on Gustav a bit.

Frederic curled himself into a tight ball. “Well, it’s not like this will be the first unpleasant night I’ve had since being on the road with you, Gustav,” he said.

“That’s right. We’ve slept in worse places,” Gustav replied. “And you haven’t heard me complain once, have you?”

“You complained when I wiped the gooseberries off your face,” Frederic said.

“That was an invasion of my personal space,” Gustav retorted.

...I'm just going to end up quoting all the Frederic and Gustav parts, aren't I? Their banter is just so much fun, especially with how different they're from each other. (Frederic and Duncan then go on to fanboy Sir Bertram the Dainty. XDDD)

“Does it really make a difference what kingdom we’re in, if we’re locked behind these bars?” Frederic asked, despondent. He was beginning to believe he’d never see Ella again. Or dear Reginald. Or his father, who had apparently been right about everything. I survived an attack by a witch and a giant, he thought. Why didn’t I quit while I was ahead? I should have just sent Liam to rescue Ella. I don’t belong here. I belong back home at the palace. In a bubble bath.

In a b-bubble bath. *dies* Fredeeeeeric!!

“Duncan, we’re still in prison,” Frederic said dryly. “You’re not going to see anything except this cell. Which has spiders, by the way. Have you noticed the spiders?”

“Indeed I have: Carmen, Zippy, and Dr. T,” Duncan said.

ROFL. Duncan has a thing for naming all the creatures he sees. I can't believe he even did it in this situation, and now Frederic of all people is playing the straight man. Guess you've finally met someone more eccentric than you, Frederic. =P

“Ransom?” Gustav snapped back. “What you’re going to get is the full force of Sturmhagen’s army at your doorstep. And Erinthia’s army. And Sylvaria’s and Harmonia’s.”

Liam shook his head, mumbling, “Why did you just say that?”

“Sylvaria? Harmonia? Wait a minute. What am I missing here?” Neville asked. He could tell the big prisoner had just let something slip.

“Nothing!” Frederic jumped up. “He’s just very bad at geography. Can’t even remember which country he’s from.”

Oh Gustav... you should think before you open your mouth. Frederic caught on to why it wasn't a good thing to announce their identities really quickly. :3 See, Frederic, you do have a good head on you. As does Liam.

On a normal day, Frederic would have been enraptured by the presence of such masterpieces. But today he barely noticed them. The last on the chain, Frederic leaned past Gustav to whisper to Liam, “You’re going to save us, right, Liam?”

“Hel-lo. Am I invisible?” Gustav said.

Duncan, from the front of the line, answered for Liam: “Oh, Liam will save us, all right. And it will be awesome.”

“It will not be awesome, Duncan,” Frederic snapped, finding Duncan’s positivity too much to take at that moment. “Look around. Nothing about this is awesome.”

Amused that Frederic considers Liam the one that will save them (it is the most likely outcome, hahaha). Sounds like Frederic is about to snap though!

The Bandit King’s squinty eye got squintier. “It seems our guests don’t understand the difference between being young and being a child,” he said coolly. “One’s age is but a number. No matter how many years you’ve lived, it is your deeds that earn you respect. So there!” The boy then stuck out his tongue and blew a sloppy raspberry at his captives, much to the delight of his men.

“My friends are just very impressed!” Frederic shouted, taking a stab at diplomacy before his companions said anything they would regret. “We’ve heard about your many accomplishments, and we assumed you must have been further along in years. Your youth is a testament to your skill.”

Ah hah, Frederic starts showing that he's quite a talker! 8D

“Lousy bards…” Liam muttered, mostly to himself. He looked up at Rauber. “How is it that all four of us here know who you are? Why does everyone know your name and no one knows ours? Why do the bards give you so much attention?”

“I’m bad, Liam,” Rauber said as if it were the most obvious answer in the world. “Fear and loathing: That’s what sells. If you want real respect, switch sides.”

Infamy spreads much faster, that is so true.

Liam got an idea. He cleared his throat. “Well then, Your Highness, why don’t you prove yourself worthy of all those followers? Face me in a duel. Just you and me. If I win, the four of us go free; if you win, we tell our kingdoms to hand over whatever riches you demand.”

“Are you kidding?” Rauber asked. He made a fart noise with his mouth and pretended to wave away a bad odor. “Why in the world would I want to do that? You’re twice my size; you’d beat me in no time. I’m evil, not stupid. Guards, take them back to their cells. Oh, and chop off their feet so they don’t try to run away.”

Liam was once again at a loss for words.

“Wait, what about me?” Duncan interjected. “I’m several inches shorter than Liam, the only exercise I get is running from bees, and I’ve never used a sword before in my life. What if you duel me instead?”

Duel, duel, duel! Roland would be so happy Aaand Duncan, that idea is both smart and dumb.

“First order of business, we get rid of these chains,” Liam said.

“What are we waiting for?” asked Gustav. He picked up a large stone and smashed it against the chain that hung between himself and Liam. But the big rock didn’t break the metal links; it pulled the chain to the ground, yanking Gustav and Liam into each other violently.

Frederic shook his head. “Oh, come now. Even I know that’s not how you do it,” he said. “You’ve got to rest the chain on one rock while you hit it with another. It’s just like what Sir Bertram did with the fob of a pocket watch in The Secret of the Sinister Snuff Box. Duncan, help me look for more rocks.”

ROFL. I love how matter-of-factly Frederic said this. Even better that his love for Sir Bertrum stories came into use.

Liam turned angrily on Frederic. “How could you leave Duncan behind? I realize you’re new to this, but you never turn your back on an ally in danger.”

“I know that,” Frederic moaned. “Do you understand how terrible I feel about this?”

“Yeah, back off, hero,” Gustav cautioned Liam. “It’s obvious the guy feels awful about it.”

(Gustav supporting Frederic. 8DDDD )

“Good,” said Liam. “Now let’s move.”

Frederic raised his hand.

“Frederic, do you, uh, have a question?” Liam asked.

Frederic sniffled and nodded. “I don’t know how to use a sword.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Duncan said. “Neither do I.”

“Go team,” Gustav said in a mock cheer.

“Look, men, we don’t have time for fencing lessons right now,” Liam said.

“Just hold your weapon by the handle and swing it at the bad guys. Besides, if everything goes according to my plan, you two will only need to provide a distraction. You should never have to actually fight anyone.”

Frederic raised his hand.

“You don’t need to keep raising your hand, Frederic,” Liam sighed.

“Sorry,” Frederic said, although he kept his hand in the air. “Um, I just wanted to ask: What exactly is your plan?”

Bwahahaha, this team is so headed to disaster... (I'm too amused at Frederic raising his hand.)

“Yes, that’s right, giant, down here,” Duncan said. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to put my friend down. You see, I’ve got a little sword, too. No, not little. I didn’t mean to say little— just sword. I’ve got a sword, too. Dwarven steel. I hear it’s good. So anyway, um, prepare for your doom!” Duncan drew his sword, and in doing so, managed to slice his belt in half. It fell to the ground and his tunic puffed out, flowing loose like a nightgown. “Oh, drat.”

Ahahaha, Duncan, you might just want to stop talking. XD;;

“Duncan!” Frederic hollered, rushing out into the open.

“Another one?” Reese griped.

“What are you doing out here, Tassels?” Gustav said. “Get back behind the rocks!”

Gustav cares! 8D

“He ordered us to go,” Frank explained. “He thought it was most important for us to get word to you about where he was. And to give you this stick.” He handed Snow the odd twig he’d gotten from Duncan. “He thought it looked like a pony.”

Snow was flabbergasted. “I can’t believe you listened to him. The man has no sense!”

“But—”

“Listen, I love Duncan dearly, but he cannot be left unsupervised,” Snow said. “What was he thinking? Storming a tower? Facing a witch? And this stick is obviously shaped like a cat.”

Yup, that sounds like Duncan alright.

Frederic’s mind was reeling. Ella was free, the princes were all still alive (somehow), and this adventure was over. He should have been feeling nothing but relief. But more than anything else, he was depressed. This entire sorry episode had proven one thing: He was not a hero.

Aww Frederic.

Frederic put his hand to the hilt of his dwarven sword but stopped before drawing the weapon. No, he thought. I’m not a fighter. I need to handle this a different way.

You go Frederic for finally realizing your strength! What a tale he spun after this. 8D

“Maybe your friends aren’t so bad, after all,” said the bearded pirate. “But what about you? Who are you supposed to be?”

“Me?” Frederic asked. It hadn’t been difficult to figure out how to spin each of his companions’ stories in a way that would appeal to this rough-and-tumble crowd, but how could he do that for himself? What about him— what trait of his— could he possibly use to impress this tavern full of ruthless criminals? He was stumped. He smiled at the villains to buy himself some time to think. A few of them grinned back, in spite of themselves.

And suddenly he knew exactly what to say: “I’m Prince Charming. People like me.”

Eeeeeeeeeee!

“You know, Frederic’s got a point,” Liam said. “You don’t know when to hold back, Gustav. But that’s who you are. I should have taken that into account. You see, my biggest error was in not recognizing the individual strengths of everyone in this group. It took Frederic here to help me realize what those strengths are.

“Gustav, you can take a ridiculous amount of punishment. We need to use that. Frederic, you’re a talker. You’re the diplomat of our group. And Duncan, well, you can always be counted on to do something utterly insane. And I mean that in the best possible way. You’re not risk-averse.”

Liam realizes everyone's strengths! \o\

“I’m supposed to walk up to the giant— the same giant that almost squashed me— and start up a conversation with him?” Frederic was skeptical. “You don’t think he’d find that suspicious?”

“Of course he would,” Liam said. “We have to make sure it’s believable. That’s why I want you to let him capture you.”

Frederic gulped.

“I don’t like it,” said Gustav.

“Frederic can handle this,” Liam said. “I trust him.”

“If anything happens to him, I’ll pop your head like a tomato,” Gustav said.

1) what an awesome plan 2) Gustaaaaaav. 8D

“You want me to ask my brothers for help?” Gustav gasped. “The only worse thing would be to ask Rapunzel for help.”

Oh Gustav...

“Look,” Liam said, “sometimes being a hero isn’t about getting the glory. It’s about doing what needs to be done."

Liam. <333

Meanwhile, Horace bounded after Liam and Duncan. “You fellas must have really missed us,” the big bandit called out. “I’m touched you came back to see us again.”

“You’ve completely misunderstood!” Duncan yelled back to Horace, as he and Liam hopped over a series of staked tent ropes. “We didn’t miss you at all! That’s not why we’re here!”

“Sarcasm, Duncan. Sarcasm,” Liam said as he dodged a diving bandit.

Sarcasm completely goes over Duncan's head. :3;;

“Oh, Gustav, before I forget…,” Frederic said. “I’ve been thinking: You lost your sword, and I still have mine. That feels just plain wrong to me. I want you to have my sword. We’d both be better off.”

He reached to his belt to grab the dwarven blade but realized, with a gasp, that it was not there. “Oh, no. It’s—”

“Don’t panic. I already have it,” Gustav said. “I thought the same thing you did, so I snagged the sword from you hours ago.”

“You stole my sword?”

“You just said you wanted me to have it!”

“I wanted to give it to you. I didn’t want you to swipe it.”

“What difference does it make? I have the sword, we’re fine.”

ROFL.

Duncan was perking up. He was inspired watching the way Liam was manipulating Rauber. He’s a master, Duncan realized. He’s a planner, a doer, a man of action. Liam doesn’t rely on luck. Liam creates his own luck.

Duncan's realization! \o\

“Thank you, Duncan,” Liam whispered to his friend. “You said exactly what he needed to hear to believe I would turn traitor.”

“I had no idea that was what he was going to think,” Duncan whispered back, his eyes agog. “I was about to challenge him to another duel.”

“Well, I’m sure that would have worked, too,” Liam said, and breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it had been safer when Duncan was saving the day unintentionally.

“And Liam,” Duncan began sheepishly, “we’re not really going to…”

“No, Duncan. We’re not. Don’t worry.”

“Whew. I figured that. It’s just that, you know— lying, sarcasm— there are so many new ways of talking that I have to get used to.”

Oh Duncan. Never change. (too much)

“Where’s Frederic?” Liam asked.

“He’s on Mr. Troll somewhere.”

“Mister Troll?”

Haha. XD

The three trolls pummeled their way through the remaining bandits over to the row of trees where the horses had been tied. Doing his part to help thwart the bandit army, Duncan had set every single horse free. It occurred to him too late, though, that he probably should not have untied the princes’ horses as well. Now, so as not to lose track of Thunderbreaker, Gwendolyn, or Seventeen, he was attempting to ride all three of them at once.

“Oh, good,” Duncan cried when he saw his friends. “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I can keep this up much longer.” He was lying across the backs of all three horses, with one set of reins wrapped around his hands, another around his waist, and the last around his feet.

“Somehow, that is exactly the position I imagined we’d find him in,” Gustav said.

Oh gods, Duncan. XDDD

“I tricked you into fixing me up,” Rauber continued in a melodramatic tone. “You thought I was just your sweet, innocent little cousin—”

“Actually, I thought you were a brat, but go on.”

“You assumed the person you were helping was nothing more than a cousin in need, but really, you were assisting… THE BANDIT KING!”

Ella stared at him quizzically.

“I am the Bandit King!” Rauber proclaimed again.

“That’s cute,” Ella said. “But I don’t really have time for games right now. Do you need me to get you back to your parents’ house or not? Because I’ve got important things to do.”

Bandit King, thwarted by Ella who has lived a sheltered life and hasn't heard any of the wild rumors. XDDD

Down on the ground, Frederic was jumping around and waving his arms. He tried a cartwheel. At last he decided to borrow a proven tactic that had worked in the past. “Stuuuurm-hayyyyyy-gennnnn!” He hollered Gustav’s battle cry as he ran at the giant, wildly waving his new sword.

That did it. Reese dropped his chunk of meat to the ground. “No way,” he muttered in astonishment, as he reached down and snatched up Frederic. “You can’t be back again.”

Frederic, for his part, was grateful that he hadn’t needed to stick the giant with his sword in order to get noticed. Trying to charm someone is never easy once you’ve stabbed him.

Reese examined Frederic. “Hey, wait. You’re not the one who keeps coming back and poking me.”

“No,” said Frederic. “That would be my friend, Gustav.”

Frederic took a page out of Gustav's book! XDDD

“You’re talking about Ella, aren’t you?” Frederic asked. A warm wave of happiness washed over him. Ella had escaped with the very same tactic he was trying to use. Maybe the two of them did have a few things in common.

:DD

A few moments after Gustav ran off to meet the dragon, Liam and Duncan darted over to the large wooden doors of the fortress. The giant was laughing at something Frederic said, and it seemed like the perfect time to sneak in without raising any alarms.

Duncan began to laugh, too, and Liam shushed him.

“Sorry,” Duncan whispered. “Frederic must have said something pretty funny to make the giant laugh like that. So I was trying to imagine what it might have been, and— ha!— it was even funnier than I thought.”

Duncan made me laugh here, haha.

Ella popped out of the corridor behind Duncan, and Liam was instantly enchanted. Ella’s hair was a tousled mess and her dress was torn and muddied, but to Liam, she looked radiant. More than anything else, he was struck by her eyes. Ella had that same devil-may-care look that Liam had seen in only one other place: a mirror. “Wow,” he breathed.

“Wow?” Ella echoed, a bit confused.

“He means, ‘Wow, we can’t believe we found you,’” Duncan interjected.

Uh oh, Liam going moony-eyed over Ella! She is very charismatic though! :D

“The others— oh, my goodness,” Ella said breathlessly. “Is Frederic really with you?”

“Yes, Frederic, that’s right,” Liam said. He lowered his voice, feeling somewhat ashamed for flirting with his friend’s fiancée. But at the same time he thought, how could he help himself? Ella was just, like, you know, wow.

“Yes,” Duncan butted in. He didn’t like what he was seeing. Liam seemed to be smitten with Ella. “Frederic is actually the reason we’re all here. He found us all and got us together to come after you in the first place. It was his idea.” He shot a disapproving look at Liam, who gave a sheepish shrug in return.

Nice seeing Duncan supportive. :3

“You’re right; let’s go,” Ella said. She found it touching that Frederic had gone through the trouble of getting these other princes to search for her, and she didn’t want to see him get into any kind of real trouble on her behalf. “Where is Frederic, anyway? Keeping lookout in the trees or something?”

“No, he’s out there distracting the giant,” Duncan said.

“The giant?” Ella gasped, and gave Liam a shove. “You left Frederic with a giant? Are you trying to kill him?”

“He can handle it,” Liam protested. “Trust me, he’s changed.”

“You’re a lunatic,” Ella cried. “Frederic’s afraid of dust bunnies! We have to go help him, right now!”

Frederic has changed, Ella! A little bit. :3;; But yeahhh, he would have been afraid of even dust bunnies. Though maybe... I don't think he'll like them even now. Too dirty. XD

“Anyway, I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said. “What were you thinking, running off like that? To battle witches and giants? You get winded chasing squirrels.”

“Oh, it’s been fun. But I’m still so surprised that you came after me,” Duncan said, then added sheepishly, “I thought you were tired of me.”

“Oh, Dunky,” she said, caressing his wavy hair. “You drive me mad sometimes, but I still love you. I said I wanted a break; I didn’t want you to run away.”

Gustav groaned.

“Just promise me you’ll never do anything crazy again,” Snow said. “Oh, who am I kidding? Just don’t do anything crazy for the rest of the day. How about that?”

She knows her husband well. 8D

“I’m right behind you,” Gustav said. The two of them ran to the doors of the fortress. Frederic called back, “Duncan, are you coming?”

Duncan glanced from his friends to his wife, who was vigorously shaking her head. Those other princes were his first real friends. He’d imagined the four of them as old men, laughing together about their past escapades. It was one of the happiest daydreams he’d had in years. But Snow was his wife. And the first person to ever treat him with respect.

“I don’t think I can,” Duncan said sorrowfully.

“It’s okay,” Frederic said. “I understand. Really. You’ve been a good friend, Duncan.”

Oh Duncan. a;ldkjf;ad His vision of the future. <333

Ella joined Gustav, and the two hurriedly tossed aside heavy chunks of stone, clearing enough space to let Gustav peer under the fallen column. In the cramped darkness below the debris, he could see Frederic’s gentle face. Frederic’s eyes were closed. Gustav finally knew what real fear felt like.

kladj;adjfd Gustav never fearing anything. Finally, he fears for Frederic's sake. <333

“My friend— can you fix him?” Gustav repeated. Rapunzel’s eyes widened at the sound of the word “friend.” She’d never heard Gustav use that word to refer to anyone.

“What happened to him?” she asked. She kept her eyes locked on Gustav’s. Their usual coldness seemed to fade away as he thought about the injured man.

“He saved my life,” Gustav said. “Twice, really. Maybe more. I don’t even know. Look, Frederic is a big goober, and he makes me feel like I’m going to sprain my eyeballs from rolling them so much, but he’s a good guy. He doesn’t deserve to die because of me.”

Awwwww.

“One second.” Frederic turned to Gustav. “Thank you, Gustav. I know what it meant for you to bring me here, of all places.”

“It didn’t mean anything special,” Gustav said. “We’re supposed to be a team, right? I just did my part.”

“Well, thanks all the same,” Frederic said as Duncan led him away.

Completely sold on their friendship. <3

“Gustav, before you leave— I have one question,” Rapunzel called. “How did you find me?”

“I’ve known you were here for months. I followed you when you first left, just to make sure you were safe. Then I went home.”

He turned abruptly and joined his friends on the dragon. Rapunzel shook her head as she watched them soar skyward. “Like I said, I will never understand you.”

Oh Gustav. You really do care a ton.

“Flik, Frak, Frank!” Liam called. “Could you bring your wagon over here and lend a hand?”

“You don’t think those are our real names, do you?” Frank grumbled. “That’s just what Duncan calls us.”

“Sorry, didn’t realize. What are your real names?”

“Eh, doesn’t matter,” Frank said. “We’re coming with the wagon.”

ROFL DUNCAN NAMED THEM TOO WITH RANDOM NAMES?

*peers above* Good, I didn't end up quoting the entire book. It's 400+ pages, so this wasn't too many quotes? XD;

Some other random thoughts.

Completely amused by Gustav's names for people. Brash characters tend to do this, don't they? Out of disrespect? :3

Rapunzel: Little Miss Perfect, Mega-Braid
Frederic: Fancy Man, Mr. Silky White Pants and Fancy Golden Dingle-Dangles, Cinderella Man, Captain Tassels, Wheezing Wonder, Tassels, Harmonia, Señor Sweet-Talk
Liam: Cape-Man, Cape-face, Fancy Man (repeating your names now, huh Gustav?), Professor Brainstorm
Duncan: Dr. Delusional, Nature Boy, Mr. Mini-Cape
Zaubera: Lady Lipless

Dang, Frederic got a lot of different names from Gustav. My favorite is Tassels, haha.

Locations:
Harmonia (Frederic's kingdom)
Sturmhagen (Gustav's kingdom)
Erinthia (Liam's kingdom)
Sylvaria (Duncan's kingdom)
Avondell (Briar Rose's kingdom)
Mount Batwing of the Orphaned Wastes

Royal bards:
Pennyfeather the Mellifluous of Harmonia
Tyrese the Tuneful of Erinthia
Wallace Fitzwallace of Sylvaria
Lyrical Leif
Reynaldo, Duke of Rhyme

Horses:
Papa Scoots (Duncan)
Thunderbreaker (Liam)
Seventeen (Gustav)
Gwendolyn (Frederic)

Trolls names for the princes:
Ouching Man (Frederic)
Angry Man, Round-Head Man (Gustav)
Squirmy Man (Liam)

Apparently, dwarves are expert metalsmiths. Expert navigators. Expert weapon makers. Expert dragon tamers. 8D Hilarious running joke.